Oh to be a Braunvieh!

Since coming to Davos, I’ve suspected that, if I were a cow, I would want to be one of the Braunvieh, or Brown Swiss, cows that I see lounging in the pastures. Over the past couple of months, I’ve become well acquainted with my bovine neighbors and my initial positive impression has been confirmed. Between having a cushy lifestyle and possessing key attributes characteristic of their breed, there is no doubt in my mind that these girls have it made.

As I see it, here are the top reasons to envy the Swiss Braunvieh:

1. Scenery: Pastures in the Alps= blue skies, wildflowers and a killer mountain view. It can be a bit snowy, but the winter accommodations are pretty cozy.
2. Cuisine: Succulent grasses and flowers in the warmer months and seriously tasty hay in the winter. The farmers have been doing some serious haying since we’ve been here, stockpiling delicious meals for the winter. The ladies pity their corn and antibiotic stuffed American counterparts.
3. Hotness factor: With svelte yet shapely figures, these dairy cows are the Gisele Bundchens of the bovine world. Long lashes, fuzzy ears and soft, yet distinctive, facial features ensure that Braunvieh have little competition in the looks department.
4. Craftsmanship: Their primary purpose is to supply milk for some of the world’s best yogurts, cheeses and chocolate. They take great pride in their excellent milking abilities and withstand their daily exertions with the calmness and self-possession of champions.
5. Language: Like most Swiss, they are multi-lingual. They slip facilely between French (“meuh”), German (“mmuuuhh”) and Italian (“muuuuu”), as well as what appears to be their regional dialect of Swiss German (“grüüüüüch”).
6. Bling: Every cow gets her own Trychel (the egalitarianism keeps the jealousy in check). Half musical instrument, half jewelry, the bells helps them make their presence known and serves as the perfect accessory for any occasion.
7. Partytime!: When you get festivals in your honor, most notably the Alpabzug, where you are adorned with pretty hats and flowered necklaces and paraded down from the pastures, life is pretty good. B-list celebrities could only dream of this kind of attention.
8. The Laissez-Faire lifestyle: Unlike their European counterparts, Swiss cows aren’t hampered by the strict (and occasionally silly) regulations imposed by the E.U. dairy industry. Fewer rules means fewer headaches!

So what do the ladies think of themselves? Officially, they take the stance of neutrality and remained mum on the matter. Off the record, however, many cows indicated very favorable impressions of their breed and nationality. A few, however, expressed jealousy of their Indian counterparts and their revered status. Regardless of species, it appears that, for some, the grass appears greener in the other pasture.