I ♥ you, Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

I know that it has been a couple of decades since I’ve written, but I hope that you know that I’ve always been a super-duper huge fan of your work. While I am a decent multi-tasker, you put me to shame, Mr. Kringle! And all of the smiles that you deliver across the planet? Amazing! Although I probably have more naughty days than nice ones, I hope that you know that I still try really really hard to make your good list. I really do!

Over the years, you got me some seriously awesome presents (although I still am waiting on that African Grey! :-), but I think that you really outdid yourself this time. Back in December, when I asked you for an Olympic spot, you were so funny when you acted all startled and stuff. Thankfully I knew better and didn’t lose faith in your ability to deliver my first Christmas request in years. Sure, I trained hard and everything, but it really was just an insurance policy in case you dropped the ball. You understand, right? But soooo glad you came through!

When I was out on the race course in London this past weekend, I totally could sense you pushing me along on the run with your magic North Pole skillz. In the last kilometer, I swear that I heard sleigh bells and looked behind me a few times to check. Whoops- I forgot that you know when I’m lying! I didn’t really check for you; I was actually fading on the run and doing the shoulder check to make sure that I wouldn’t get passed and lose my Olympic spot. But I promise that I was thinking of you; I even had a pic of the two of us as my Facebook profile pic as a reminder of my Xmas wish in the lead up to the race. I’m sure that you saw it. BTW, why aren’t we Facebook friends?! Did you ever get that friend request? I sent it like a million years ago.

Anyway, I am super stoked that I got my automatic qualification and get to represent my country at the Olympic Games next year. You should totally come and hang out with Gwen and me (she also qualified- did she ask you too?). It is going to be the sweetest party ever!!! Thanks again, Kris. This definitely makes up for any lame presents you ever gave me. I can’t wait to catch up in December over some hot chocolate, buddy. Don’t worry- I’ll bring something special for yours. It will be our little secret; I know how upset the Mrs. gets when you take a nip on the job. Just don’t be surprised if I ask for something again this year! A little hint: I wouldn’t mind something shiny and metal & I don’t mean jewelry. LOL!!!

XOXO,

Saucey

P.S. Sorry to make this totally awkward, but I hope that I’m not misreading your gift. Just in case, however, I think you are super cool and all, but I’m in a relationship and you just aren’t my type. I won’t even get into the fact that you have been married like forever. That being said, if I wanted to date a bearded mythical man you’d be #1 on my list. Oh man, I’m totally busted lying again to Mr. Know-It-All! Okay, you’d be #2 after Zeus ( C’mon, can you blame me? Have you seen him in a toga recently? Who knew high-carb nectar & ambrosia would make for washboard abs?!). But you’d totally be ahead of leprechauns and elves since a girl likes to wear heels on occasion. Hope that I didn’t make things weird between us, S.C. I’m sure you understand; you have to get into trouble on occasion with the whole lap-sitting move, right? :-)